D&Deviations: Ep 2. Adam and Eve


Accipiter G. Goshawk

For those of you that have been paying attention, I have recently set up a business, which provides Dungeon Master services. It’s a fun gig and it has the unique benefit of keeping my insatiable thirst for all things D&D under check.

Some of you may have never played Dungeons&Dragons (and if you haven’t you should really try it someday), so you will never have experienced the weird mix of confusion, elation and hilarity that inevitably bubbles up when someone discovers the game for the first time. For the veterans: you know what I mean 😉

A peculiarity of new players is that they have no idea what they can do. This means two things:

First, they are often hesitant to get their feet wet and move about the game as if they’re in a glass shop.

Second, they are not bogged down by rules and so they do incredibly brilliant things that leave the DM speechless.

These are the kinds of moments I’m going to try to record in these short little posts.

Enjoy 😉


They had killed giant hyenas, fought off monstrous cannibals, saved stranded miners and now, deep in the heart of a Cave of Memory, they were faced with a choice.

The guardian had warned them, but nothing could prepare them for the impossible contrast between the horrific desert outside – the only reality they’d ever known – and the bounty of green within the Vault.

Before them stood a dryad.

She had pleaded with them to forget the Vault, to keep its location secret. Only by doing this could the riches within be preserved for a kinder world; a world filled once more with life.

Some thought about the profit they could gain from selling this biological treasure. Others thought of the good they could do by revealing its secrets to a devastated world.

Almost all agreed to return to New Eld and leave the dryad’s realm untouched.

All, save two.


“Can I stay in the Vault?” repeated the small man boisterously.

“I…uhm…of course. You realize that you will be locked in there forever, right?”

“Yup! Suits me fine! Better a garden of Eden than the desert.”

The DM scratches his head and is about to say something when another player pipes in.

“That’s a brilliant idea! I’m staying too.”

The DM smiles a little confusedly and proceeds to describe the scene.

As the rest of the party leaves to find a well-deserved bottle of liquor, the tiefling warlock and the half-elf bard strip of all their clothes and dance among the trees.

Shortly afterwards, the door to the Vault closes, leaving them to their underground paradise.-

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