Crazy in the Mirror: Part II

This post concludes the story of Dr. Frederick Moid, psychiatrist. If you want to know how the story started (or if you just want to refresh your memory), there is a link to part I here.

An important note: I am not a medical professional, nor have any real understanding of psychology. The events in this story are, as usual, fictitious and suffer from my incomplete and flawed knowledge.

Diary of Dr. Moid, 10.10.2016

  • 6:00-8:00 AM: Woke up. Washed face, made bed. Helena up. Drank coffee, read newspaper, kissed Helena, drove Suzy to school and went to work.
  • 8.30 AM: First appointment: Mrs. Schiller.

Mrs. Schiller has decided to take vengeance on her husband. She has opened a Tinder account and is currently looking for a lover. Last weekend she was taken to the hospital after having sprained an ankle whilst kicking husband’s Porsche. Prescribed more medication and asked her to come in next week with her husband.

  • 9.30 AM: Second appointment: Mr. Jones

Recovering from his injuries. Went to AA meeting and appears to have found it soothing. Still fighting with his love for conflict and his addiction. Suggested he sign up to boxing.

  • 10:30 AM: coffee break. Sylvia talks about her weekend; went to Gent. Tried kayaking but was attacked by an aggressive swan. Note: do not go kayaking in Gent.
  • 11:00 AM: Last appointment of the morning: Ms. Rowland

Sitting behind desk appears to have worked. Ms. Rowland was more demure during this session, almost disappointingly so. She spoke of her nymphomania support group and noted that she has broken off most of her current dysfunctional relationships. Was clothed in baggy pants and a wool sweater.

  • 12:00 AM: Lunch
  • 01:00 PM: Appointment for the afternoon: Thomas Finn. Blow by blow account follows.

– Today, Tom was beyond disturbing. It seems that yesterday, during dinner, he managed to get a hold of a pair of plastic forks and then proceeded to use them to pierce his nipples. He showed up to the office today wearing nothing but a bloodied tank top with the forks dangling over the collar edges. A burly orderly accompanied him. Not that this made me feel any safer: his smile was as large as usual. Maybe larger. And his eyes were ringed in black, probably due to a lack of sleep.

“Heeeyy…Doc!” he grated crazily, eyeing me from across the desk.

“Hello Tom. So, another change? How is your depression? Have you taken to self-harming now?” (I realize that my line of questioning was impossibly direct and that I was going against all I had learned…but the man infuriated me beyond understanding)

“What? These little baubles?” he asked pointing to the forks. “Lovely aren’t they? It’s a shame really; they want me to get rid of them,” he moaned in mock disappointment.

“I think it’s for the best Tom. You could get infected.”

“Infected? Infected?! Oh but Doc, it’s already too late,” he growled, his eyes flashing crazily, “I’ve already got the bug!”

He lunged forward, simultaneously extracting a fork from his chest and trying to stab my hand. Luckily, the orderly’s reflexes were better than mine: he had Finn on the ground in a heartbeat and all that was left of the incident was the plastic fork lying on my desk.

I remember staring at it, wondering.

“Why are you doing this Tom?” I asked him as his burly keeper wrestled him into a pair of handcuffs.

“Why? You still haven’t figured it out? Are you really that thick? I thought you of all people would understand! You, with your pitiful little planned life; cowering behind your desk, sad and unhappy. You disgust me, doctor!”

He spat in my direction and then was gone.

For a while, I didn’t move; thoughts rushed through my head and I felt an odd buzzing in my ears.

“I’m…I’m not happy?”-

Session finished. Orderly took Finn to the district hospital to be treated for his injuries.

  • 02:00 PM: Second appointment of the afternoon: Carter Singh

First time patient. Mr. Carter appears to suffer from arachnophobia. Began the session with description of possible origins of his fear and concluded with mild hypnotherapy.

  • 03:00 PM: Went to golf club, played with Dennis. Won, but lost a club. Drinks with Dennis and Jessy. Her sundress was exquisite…discreet, yet revealing.
  • 05:00 PM: Picked up Suzy. Tells me about school. English, history and gym: learned how to summersault. Helena home, good day at work. Mowed the lawn, dinner.
  • 07:00 PM: Dinner: pizza. Put Suzy to bed, read her a story: Thumb’s Journey. Watched episode of House with Helena. Bed 10:30 PM

Notes: It’s late. I can’t sleep. The meeting with Finn today has me rattled and I don’t know what to make of it. It’s not his violence or the utter unpredictability of his behavior that bothers me…I think I’m beginning to see a method behind the madness and I can’t help but compare his life to my own. I’m afraid that I may not be happy. How can he be happy? How can that crazy maniac be serene in the instability of his existence?

I think I may need to consult with a colleague…

Diary of Dr. Moid, 17.10.2016

  • 6:00-8:00 AM: Woke up. Washed face, made bed. Helena up. Drank coffee, read newspaper, kissed Helena, drove Suzy to school and went to work.
  • 8.30 AM: First appointment: Mrs. Schiller and Mr. Schiller.

The Schillers refused to speak to each other during the session. It seems that Mrs. Schiller made good on her threat and went on a Tinder date. Her husband appears to be utterly confused by the whole thing and is concerned about his Porsche. He says he just wants them to live a normal life; she wants more. She says there is no more love between them. I decide to mix things up a little and prescribe him a strong stimulant…however, I may have told him that it was a relaxant. Set up another appointment for next week.

  • 9.30 AM: Second appointment: Mr. Jones

Mr. Jones has been excluded from the boxing club due to unsportsmanlike behavior. He tried to pick a fight with the coach after the same found him drinking behind the locker rooms. He hasn’t yet been to his AA meeting this week. I encouraged him to go and set up a session for next week. I’m really starting to hate his guts.

  • 10:30 AM: coffee break. Sylvia talks about her weekend; went to Hutrek. Tried bungee jumping but the rope snapped. Unfortunately, she was over a lake so her injuries were minimal. Note: do not go bungee jumping in Hutrek.
  • 11:00 AM: Last appointment of the morning: Ms. Rowland

Ms. Rowland was lifeless today. She has completely cut off all relationship and is now dressing in an extremely conservative fashion. She is now complaining about depression; her work is suffering and she is the victim of mobbing. She says she has lost the main weapon in her arsenal. To loosen the tension, I moved to the armchair next to the couch and stroked her hair. This seemed to make her feel better. I was almost relieved when, at the end of the session, she bent over and dropped her pants, flashing me as she left. Next appointment in a week.

  • 12:00 AM: Lunch
  • 01:00 PM: Appointment for the afternoon: Thomas Finn. Blow by blow account follows.

-Today, Tom was wearing a black skirt, a faded Sonata Arctica t-shirt, a pair of designer glasses and a broken top hat. He was also carrying a banana, and what appeared to be an empty cardboard cup with a face drawn on it. He sat down on the floor and stared at the ceiling, ignoring me.

“Hello Tom. What shall we talk about today?” I tried.

He didn’t answer or look at me, but simply pointed at the cup, which was now staring at me angrily.

I tried again.

“Hello Mr. Cup. May I speak to Tom?”

“No! He’s angry with you Doc,” the cup answered shrilly. (I’m actually impressed with Finn’s ventriloquism…)

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that Mr. Cu-”

“My name is Cardinal Hugenstein bub. And don’t forget it,” growled the cup.

“I apologize, Your Grace. Why is Tom angry with me?”

“He though you understood him, man. He was a little disappointed, but he seems to think that you aren’t past hope. So he asked me to explain some stuff.”

“I’m all ears,” I said, eagerly hoping to get the explanation I’d desired for such a long time.

“Right. Tom is trying all the possible versions of reality, see? He was unhappy before. The whole normal shtick wasn’t really working for him. So instead of doing what you’re doing,” the cup glared at me again, “he’s trying everything out. That’s the only sane thing to do. What you’re doing Doc? That’s crazy.”

Time froze as I processed this odd, yet satisfying explanation.

Then I asked the only question that mattered.

“And is Tom happy now?”

The odd gangly figure smiled and gave the cup the thumbs up.

“He’s getting there. And he’s certainly happier than you are,” finished the cup.

“Tha-thank you…,”

“No big. Now we’re going to get back to work. Same time next week?” the Cardinal asked, as the two walked towards the door.

“Sure,” I answered dumbly.-

Session ended. Thomas Finn and Cardinal Hugenstein return to St. Laurence’s.

  • 02:00 PM: Second appointment of the afternoon: Fred Milton

Mr. Milton read the entirety of the positive thinking book and he was unhappy to report that it had no effect on him whatsoever. He was so angry that I thought he might start yelling at me. So, I “inadvertently” knocked over my trashcan. I have to admit I enjoyed seeing him lose his calm and begin meticulously cleaning my floor. Next appointment in a week.

  • 03:00 PM: Went to golf club, played with Dennis. Lost. Drinks with Dennis and Jessy. I was quite impressed with the pendant she was wearing. When I complimented it she winked at me…Dennis wasn’t looking.
  • 05:00 PM: Picked up Suzy. Tells me about school. French, math and music: held a violin for the first time. Helena home, good day at work. Mowed the lawn, dinner.
  • 07:00 PM: Dinner: vegetable soup. Put Suzy to bed, read her a story: Looking for Moxie. Watched episode of House with Helena. Bed 10:30 PM

Notes: I understand now! It’s all so clear! I’m unhappy! I’ve been unhappy for so long! But WHY? WHY? Everything is perfect. And orderly, and clean…I have my routine, it works…I can’t change. I mustn’t….

Maybe a little?

Diary of Dr. Moid, 24.10.2016

  • 6:00-8:00 AM: Woke up. Washed bed, made face. Helena up. Drank newspaper, read coffee, kissed Suzy, drove Helena to school and went to work.
  • 8.30 AM: First appointment: Mrs. Schiller and Mr. Schiller.

 The Schillers appeared happier today. It seems that all that was missing in their relationship was a little physical interaction. They thanked me profusely. To help them further, I encouraged them to go at it anytime they felt like it.

No further appointments scheduled. Also, was invited to their house later this week for dinner…I’m afraid I won’t be able to attend.

  • 9.30 AM: Second appointment: Mr. Jones

Mr. Jones bored me again today. Before he could begin yet another sob story, I beat the living hell out of him. I threatened him; I told him that if I ever saw or heard from him again, I would publish his personal files on the Internet. Maybe that will get him to straighten up his act…

No further appointments scheduled.

  • 10:30 AM: coffee break. Sylvia talks about her weekend; went to Retton. Tried forging her own kitchen knife but burned herself when the blacksmith dropped the iron. Note: do not go forging in Retton. Also, will unfortunately have to stop listening to Sylvia…she appears to have contracted a misshapen self-forged knife to the throat. Sad.
  • 11:00 AM: Last appointment of the morning: Ms. Rowland

The session with Ms. Rowland was lovely. She was once again dressed in revealing clothes and very enticing lingerie. We spent a very pleasant hour together. Once we were done, I encouraged her to “spread the love”… I think she will be very happy to oblige. I did however remind her to be safe.

Gave her my personal number and am looking forward to hearing from her soon.

  • 12:00 AM: Lunch
  • 01:00 PM: Appointment for the afternoon: Thomas Finn. Blow by blow account follows.

-Thomas walked in wearing a pair of shorts and a printed shirt today. He took one look at me and freaked out.

“He’s lost it!” he howled, as I moved towards him.

“But Tom,” I said, trying to catch him as he ran around the room, “I understand now! You just do what you want and all the problems go away! Come, let me show you!”

“No! You’ve gone mad! That isn’t the point at all! You are still trapped and going further and further into madness! Help!”

The orderly gave me an odd look when he came to take Tom back to St. Laurence’s.-

No further appointments scheduled.-

  • 02:00 PM: Second appointment of the afternoon: Carter Singh

I suppose it was a little unfair of me to try to cure Mr. Singh in a single session. I mean, the box of spiders was probably a bad idea…I don’t think he really appreciated me dumping it on his head. Thankfully, he shut up after I invited him to take a look out the window. Luckily, he doesn’t suffer from vertigo.

And I think his arachnophobia may be cured now.

No further appointments scheduled.

  • 03:00 PM: Went to play golf, and clubbed Dennis. Won, but broke a club. Drinks with Jessy. She didn’t ask were Dennis was, but simply invited behind the shrubs with a sultry gaze. Most satisfying two hours of my life.
  • 05:00 PM: Picked up Suzy. Asked me why I got mixed up this morning. Then she told me about school and I told her about my day. She was a little worried, but didn’t ask any more questions. Helena at home, good day at work. Saw her talking to some police officers. Mowed the lawn, dinner.
  • 07:00 PM: Dinner: burgers. Put Suzy to bed, read her a story: The Wizard of Oz. Watched episode of House on my phone while on the way to the precinct for questioning. Bed 10:30 PM…Helena will probably be sleeping now.

Notes: I think I’m figuring out how to do this. I must stick to my schedule, but give myself more freedom in the actions I take. Rigidity is bad for you. I need to be flexible, free, like Tom. If I keep trying to cure my patients, if I keep taking care of my family and spending time with my friends, everything will be fine.

Case notes of Dr. Schiller, 1.11.2016

Today I officially had to declare Frederick mad, and a danger to others.

After the day he murdered his secretary, his patient and his best friend, he was taken to the police station for questioning. It soon became apparent that this incredible man –one of the most lucid I have ever met- was broken. When questioned, he spoke in gibberish and depending on the hour of the day, would try to either feed, psychoanalyze or play golf with the officers.

I’m not entirely sure how it happened, but something tells me the answers may be contained in Frederick’s files…maybe I should arrange for a session with Mr. Finn. He seems to be a recurring element of Frederick’s ramblings…-

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