Out of order

An Espresso Tale


Accipiter G. Goshawk

Edit: Check out the audio narration!

It’s funny how quickly the world can change.

One year ago, it was business as usual: wars, famines, hate…the Internet.

Then, slowly, change happened.

And that change was called Jim O’Ryley.

Of course, these days he’s more commonly known as “Supreme Highness” and “Master”.

How did such a man –unremarkable in every way-, come to rule the planet and utterly change our way of life?

It all started with a broken toilet chain.

One day, Jim O’Ryley was strolling past the public restrooms near the park in the village of New Genthet, when a woman emerged distraught from the small, grey building.

“It’s scandalous! That damn shitter still hasn’t been fixed! I shall write a very stern letter to the town council…”

Jim looked at her storm off in a huff, ranting loudly as she went, her fur-lined coat sweeping behind her.

Then, he decided to take action.

He quickly entered the restroom and identified the defective toilet. It was the one with a small “Out of Order” sign attached to it.

Jim was by no means an expert plumber, but he had spent one summer helping his uncle Archie tending to a campsite, so he had a basic understanding of tubing. It only took him five minutes to identify the problem: the chain had simply come undone. He hooked it back to the small arm regulating the water flow and flushed.

“Well, will you look at that!”

Jim turned to find a municipal attendant staring at him in admiration.

“That’s mighty fine of you sir! You solved it in no time; many thanks!”

Jim shrugged and said that it was nothing. The story could’ve ended there and our world would have been very different today.

Fate had other plans.

“Since you’re so good at this sort of thing, would you mind helping me out? The faucets in city hall have been a little leaky of late…”

Of course, O’Ryley accepted.

By a staggering coincidence, it was at that very moment that the city council was having one of the most heated discussions since the town’s creation. The issue revolved around the placement of the new waste-disposal plant. On either side of the table, people were yelling at each other, throwing insults left and right. Nobody seemed to be able to find an amicable solution.

Until Jim walked in to fix the faucet.

No one remembers what he said in that crowded council hall. What happened though, was that shortly after, the town changed its policies, vying towards the creation of less waste. Thus, the new plant became utterly irrelevant.

One week later, Jim was elected mayor. The vote was unanimous.

The great O’Ryley went on to solve countless problems, each one bigger than the last. Each solution he provided earned him greater fame and respect, until finally he was awarded the Presidency of a new coalition of nations.

His practical outlook on life was so incredibly refreshing, that nobody could find fault with his policies and ideas.

It was only a matter of time before he assumed total control of the planet. Now we bask in his light: our Master, our Emperor.

Of course, now some have begun to find fault with his methods. Not everybody seems to accept the fact that curfews, the secret police and regular population purges are necessary for our civilization to progress and thrive. Thankfully our Leader is inspired; he will certainly find a way to change the minds of these rebels.-

5 thoughts on “Out of order

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